Postponing Change: “I don’t want to change” Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character within and as which I don’t want to change and postpone the inevitability of self-change to the last possible moment because there are still points in my life I dream of and want to make my dreams come true in the physical through manifesting and materializing my desires, wants and ‘needs’ to experience the great life I’ve always dreamt of since I was a child.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” character to exist in me and represent itself to be ‘Me’, and through stepping into this character I refuse to change immediately when an opportunity for change is at hand because I know that if I were to change in that moment that an opportunity for change presents itself as a point of realization and insight I have in a moment, it would mean that I will have to let-go of my desires, wants and ‘needs’, but I refuse to do so because I still haven’t managed to manifest and materialized my dream-self and dream-life I always wanted since I was young and unless such a life is a reality for me — I will not want to change and will postpone change to the last possible moment until I am forced to change through internal or external circumstances, like when things just become to much to bear inside me or actual physical consequences manifest.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that whenever I refuse to change myself in a moment instantly when I have a realization or insight in self-honesty, that there are still underlying self-interest points of/as desires, wants and ‘needs’ I do not want to let-go of and give-up on but fight for them in the hope that I will eventually manifest and materialize these and turn the life I have into my dream-life and myself into the dream-self I always wanted to be and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I want my dream-self and dream-life as desires, wants and ‘needs’ to manifest and materialize so badly, allow myself to go to the extent of not caring about life and what’s best for all and don’t care if the physical/practical materialization and manifestation process of my self-interest as desires, wants and ‘needs’ is at the expense of others, as long as I can have what I want to make me feel happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see, realize and understand that something I am doing or existing as is self-dishonest and I do see the necessity and obligation to change myself immediately and that point I am doing or existing as involves my desires and wants, immediately have the thought manifestation of my desires and wants shattered in pieces and out of reach for ever if I were to decide to change myself, and through that thought generate energy experiences as emotions of fear and anxiety of changing myself because if I change I lose what I want and desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” character to exist in me and misrepresent itself as being ‘Me’, through which and as I fear to change myself if the change involves the loss of my dreams, desires and wants as self-interest.
In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to together with and as the “I don’t want to change” Character, allow the Postponement character to step into and work together with the “I don’t want to change” character to extend the period of time within which I can bring-about and live-for and try to manifest and materialize my dreams as desires, wants and ‘needs’ of/as self-interest through postponing the inevitability to change myself until the last possible moment until the inner experiences just become to much to bear or external circumstances such as physical consequences start manifesting and forcing me to change, instead of simply eradicating the characters and LIVING in the flesh/physical in/as breath and change myself immediately whenever I see a point in and as me that requires direction and change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience relief when I decide to postpone self-change and not realize that that relief, as the positive energy-reaction after the negative energy-reaction of fear and anxiety I experienced when I was seeing the requirement and necessity to change myself and stop what I am doing and how I am existing as, is the indication that I have successfully talked, convinced and reasoned myself into the acceptance and allowance to postpone and continue pursuing my happiness through pursuing the manifestation and materialization of my self-interest of/as desires, wants and ’needs, I so badly want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the experience of fear, anxiety and guilt when I think to postpone self-change and stop what I am doing and what I am existing as, when I have the realization and see that that is self-dishonest and requires direction and change immediately, is already the indication that I am aware what I am doing and that I do NOT WANT to change because I do not want to lose the hope that I can and might someday manifest and materialize my dream-self and dream-life through manifesting and materializing my self-interest of/as desires and wants and that I should use that experience of fear, anxiety and guilt as a flag-point to see that I am accessing the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character, and in that immediately stop myself from living as those characters and instead move myself in and as breath in the flesh/physical to change myself immediately because I see, realize and understand that the change is inevitable and the loss of my self-interest and desires, wants and ‘needs’ is also inevitable, so it’s really unnecessary to prolong my own process and catapult me deliberately into stupidity-loops, just because I allowed characters to exit and present themselves as ‘Me’ and live for ‘Me’ as if they know what’s best for me and best for all life, while I don’t even know where the characters come from and why they exist for real and I don’t know them in an out to be able to trust them to represent me and stand as me and live for me and make decisions in my name.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character to represent me and live for me and make decisions in my name, while I clearly see, realize and understand that they make no decision that will be best for all life but only for their self-interest as pursuing their personal happiness through the manifestation and materialization of their self-interest of/as desires, wants and ‘needs’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authoritative and directive power and ability to the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character, where they represent themselves as ‘Me’ and live for me and make decisions in my name, while I clearly see that they make no decision that will be best for all Life but only following and pursuing their own happiness through manifesting and materializing their personal desires, wants and ‘needs’, no matter if the obtainment of these desires and wants is at the expense of life/others — instead of myself taking the authoritative and directive power and ability and direct myself in and as each moment in making decisions to be and live only that which will/is best for all life in equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone self-change until the eleventh hour, just to see if I can get away with it and remain in pursuit of my own happiness through pursuing and living-for to bring-about as manifest and materialize my own self-interest as desires and wants and ‘needs’, even though I see that these I must lose as let-go of because they are either self-dishonest as standing in the way of what’s best for all or they are curbing me within my process because I am too preoccupied with these instead of being preoccupied with creating myself as life as what’s best for all and eventually together with all other self’s in this world/existence a world/existence that’s best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with the requirement of self-change of a point in me that involves self-interest as personal dreams, desires, wants and ‘needs’, to become physically tense with an accelerated breathing and hear-beat and a constricted overall body-experience because I am literally fighting-against the change and fighting-for my ability and allowance/permission to live-out or live-for to bring-about my dreams, desires, wants and ‘needs’ as self-interest and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use that physical body changes and physical behavior changes as a flag-point to see, realize and understand that the “I don’t want to change” and the “Fear of Loss” and “Postponement” character are at play and interaction with each other, presenting themselves as ‘Me’ and living for and making decisions for me and in my name, to back-up my desires and the permission and possibility/opportunity to continue and remain in pursuit of my happiness through pursuing the manifestation and materialization of my self-interest as desires, wants and ‘needs’ through living-for them to bring them about eventually ‘some beautiful day’ — and to in that seeing, realizing and understanding that characters are at play to make decisions for and as me, to immediately stop and take my authority back and direct myself in and as breath in the flesh/physical to make my own decisions and direct myself to do what’s best for all in that moment.

Peace Be Upon You

The best form of greeting I can offer anybody is “Peace Be Upon You”; just the same way that the very best form of greeting anyone can offer me is “Peace Be Upon You”. This statement, as simple as it sounds, encompasses a lot of prayers. Peace is the most important thing any creature wants at any point in time, having peace means all the basics that ensure ones survival has been assured. Food, drink, good health as standard for all creatures, shelter, clothing and the extras for humans, all these make for what gives peace of mind. For some one to wish you the luxury of peace means you are being wished all the good things of life, so if you are greeted with these words of prayer, what better way to reply than “May the peace and blessings of the Almighty God be upon you too”.

Peace, now I think more deeply about it, I think of my immediate surroundings and my condition and I know that God has been merciful to me. I think of people in war torn countries and I wonder what to think of their relationship with God. Is it that God is angry with them and that is why He evades them peace? Is it that God is so busy ensuring people like me have peace that He forgot about them? I think of the way I lead my life and I know I am no where near being a model in piety, some clips of different videos I have seen on television and the internet flash through my mind, videos of people in areas of natural disasters, wars, terror and the likes, I know definitely there are people in this places and who go through this experiences that are more godly than any average young man like me in our relatively peaceful Nigeria.

So what could be the criterion through which God allows some of us that are not so good and even those that are out rightly bad, to enjoy peace while many that are so close to living the godly way and even some that could be called saints, are denied any form of peace. Are you thinking along these lines too? Do you really deserve the peace you enjoy today if you were to be judged by your acts or thoughts?
I guess that is why He is God, The Omnipotent, The Merciful, The All Knowing, The Benevolent, The Greatest, The Lord of lords, The King of kings. I think of His magnanimity to me and I am humbled, I think of the mysteries of this life and I know there is a God, somewhere.

Have you been in an aircraft before and look out the windows into the clouds, the sheer ambience and purity way up there leaves you wondering, if there is indeed an hereafter as so described in the Holy Books, could it be more beautiful than the view up here. You must have been to the beach at some time or the other if not having sailed across the seas with the wide expanse of water that seem to have no end. The tides rise and a fear grips you, is it going to suck me in and take me under? How far is it under these waters anyway before one reaches the bottom? What kinds of creatures live down there? All these are questions that go through any discerning mind at the realisation of the mystical powers that surrounds us. And still you can not compare with any, the feeling of peace that you get when the sea is calm, if you are a drifter like me, your soul will leave your body and you will see things that will make you bow to Him.

“Peace for the people who have gone, Yeepa for the ones not yet born”, I remember this lines from the soul singer Asa’s song of the title “Peace”. Peace for the people who have gone, really, it is the dead that have true peace, when we are gone and no more only can we know peaceful peace, no more hustle for survival, no more struggle to shine, we return to the nothingness that we came from, no more worries. Yeepa for the ones not yet born because whether you are born on the day of hurricane Katrina with no shelter over your head or you are born into the home of a multi billionaire oil mogul, you are born into this world that will always spring up its surprises on you, this world where the rich also cry. We shall continue to seek the things that we think will give us peace all the days of our lives, whether we get them or if these things will give us the peace we desire, is up to Him, The One and Only God. I preach contentment to you though; it is the closest to peace you can have at any point in time, be content and from the little or much you have give, give to the needy. Put a smile on someone’s face and just like magic, you’ll find a reason to smile too from the inner most part of your heart.

My brother, my sister, my friend, as I drift away from here now, I say unto thee…

Peace Be Upon You.

Forget not all His benefits

"...forget not all His benefits." --Psalm 103:2

It is a delightful and profitable occupation to mark the hand of God in the lives of ancient saints, and to observe His goodness in delivering them, His mercy in pardoning them, and His faithfulness in keeping His covenant with them. But would it not be even more interesting and profitable for us to remark the hand of God in our own lives? Ought we not to look upon our own history as being at least as full of God, as full of His goodness and of His truth, as much a proof of His faithfulness and veracity, as the lives of any of the saints who have gone before? We do our Lord an injustice when we suppose that He wrought all His mighty acts, and showed Himself strong for those in the early time, but doth not perform wonders or lay bare His arm for the saints who are now upon the earth.

Let us review our own lives. Surely in these we may discover some happy incidents, refreshing to ourselves and glorifying to our God.
Have you had no deliverances? Have you passed through no rivers, supported by the divine presence? Have you walked through no fires unharmed? Have you had no manifestations? Have you had no choice favours? The God who gave Solomon the desire of his heart, hath He never listened to you and answered your requests? That God of lavish bounty of whom David sang, "Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things," hath He never satiated you with fatness? Have you never been made to lie down in green pastures? Have you never been led by the still waters? Surely the goodness of God has been the same to us as to the saints of old.

Let us, then, weave His mercies into a song. Let us take the pure gold of thankfulness, and the jewels of praise and make them into another crown for the head of Jesus. Let our souls give forth music as sweet and as exhilarating as came from David's harp, while we praise the Lord whose mercy endureth for ever.