I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” character to exist in me and represent itself to be ‘Me’, and through stepping into this character I refuse to change immediately when an opportunity for change is at hand because I know that if I were to change in that moment that an opportunity for change presents itself as a point of realization and insight I have in a moment, it would mean that I will have to let-go of my desires, wants and ‘needs’, but I refuse to do so because I still haven’t managed to manifest and materialized my dream-self and dream-life I always wanted since I was young and unless such a life is a reality for me — I will not want to change and will postpone change to the last possible moment until I am forced to change through internal or external circumstances, like when things just become to much to bear inside me or actual physical consequences manifest.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that whenever I refuse to change myself in a moment instantly when I have a realization or insight in self-honesty, that there are still underlying self-interest points of/as desires, wants and ‘needs’ I do not want to let-go of and give-up on but fight for them in the hope that I will eventually manifest and materialize these and turn the life I have into my dream-life and myself into the dream-self I always wanted to be and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I want my dream-self and dream-life as desires, wants and ‘needs’ to manifest and materialize so badly, allow myself to go to the extent of not caring about life and what’s best for all and don’t care if the physical/practical materialization and manifestation process of my self-interest as desires, wants and ‘needs’ is at the expense of others, as long as I can have what I want to make me feel happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see, realize and understand that something I am doing or existing as is self-dishonest and I do see the necessity and obligation to change myself immediately and that point I am doing or existing as involves my desires and wants, immediately have the thought manifestation of my desires and wants shattered in pieces and out of reach for ever if I were to decide to change myself, and through that thought generate energy experiences as emotions of fear and anxiety of changing myself because if I change I lose what I want and desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” character to exist in me and misrepresent itself as being ‘Me’, through which and as I fear to change myself if the change involves the loss of my dreams, desires and wants as self-interest.
In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to together with and as the “I don’t want to change” Character, allow the Postponement character to step into and work together with the “I don’t want to change” character to extend the period of time within which I can bring-about and live-for and try to manifest and materialize my dreams as desires, wants and ‘needs’ of/as self-interest through postponing the inevitability to change myself until the last possible moment until the inner experiences just become to much to bear or external circumstances such as physical consequences start manifesting and forcing me to change, instead of simply eradicating the characters and LIVING in the flesh/physical in/as breath and change myself immediately whenever I see a point in and as me that requires direction and change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience relief when I decide to postpone self-change and not realize that that relief, as the positive energy-reaction after the negative energy-reaction of fear and anxiety I experienced when I was seeing the requirement and necessity to change myself and stop what I am doing and how I am existing as, is the indication that I have successfully talked, convinced and reasoned myself into the acceptance and allowance to postpone and continue pursuing my happiness through pursuing the manifestation and materialization of my self-interest of/as desires, wants and ’needs, I so badly want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the experience of fear, anxiety and guilt when I think to postpone self-change and stop what I am doing and what I am existing as, when I have the realization and see that that is self-dishonest and requires direction and change immediately, is already the indication that I am aware what I am doing and that I do NOT WANT to change because I do not want to lose the hope that I can and might someday manifest and materialize my dream-self and dream-life through manifesting and materializing my self-interest of/as desires and wants and that I should use that experience of fear, anxiety and guilt as a flag-point to see that I am accessing the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character, and in that immediately stop myself from living as those characters and instead move myself in and as breath in the flesh/physical to change myself immediately because I see, realize and understand that the change is inevitable and the loss of my self-interest and desires, wants and ‘needs’ is also inevitable, so it’s really unnecessary to prolong my own process and catapult me deliberately into stupidity-loops, just because I allowed characters to exit and present themselves as ‘Me’ and live for ‘Me’ as if they know what’s best for me and best for all life, while I don’t even know where the characters come from and why they exist for real and I don’t know them in an out to be able to trust them to represent me and stand as me and live for me and make decisions in my name.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character to represent me and live for me and make decisions in my name, while I clearly see, realize and understand that they make no decision that will be best for all life but only for their self-interest as pursuing their personal happiness through the manifestation and materialization of their self-interest of/as desires, wants and ‘needs’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authoritative and directive power and ability to the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character, where they represent themselves as ‘Me’ and live for me and make decisions in my name, while I clearly see that they make no decision that will be best for all Life but only following and pursuing their own happiness through manifesting and materializing their personal desires, wants and ‘needs’, no matter if the obtainment of these desires and wants is at the expense of life/others — instead of myself taking the authoritative and directive power and ability and direct myself in and as each moment in making decisions to be and live only that which will/is best for all life in equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone self-change until the eleventh hour, just to see if I can get away with it and remain in pursuit of my own happiness through pursuing and living-for to bring-about as manifest and materialize my own self-interest as desires and wants and ‘needs’, even though I see that these I must lose as let-go of because they are either self-dishonest as standing in the way of what’s best for all or they are curbing me within my process because I am too preoccupied with these instead of being preoccupied with creating myself as life as what’s best for all and eventually together with all other self’s in this world/existence a world/existence that’s best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with the requirement of self-change of a point in me that involves self-interest as personal dreams, desires, wants and ‘needs’, to become physically tense with an accelerated breathing and hear-beat and a constricted overall body-experience because I am literally fighting-against the change and fighting-for my ability and allowance/permission to live-out or live-for to bring-about my dreams, desires, wants and ‘needs’ as self-interest and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use that physical body changes and physical behavior changes as a flag-point to see, realize and understand that the “I don’t want to change” and the “Fear of Loss” and “Postponement” character are at play and interaction with each other, presenting themselves as ‘Me’ and living for and making decisions for me and in my name, to back-up my desires and the permission and possibility/opportunity to continue and remain in pursuit of my happiness through pursuing the manifestation and materialization of my self-interest as desires, wants and ‘needs’ through living-for them to bring them about eventually ‘some beautiful day’ — and to in that seeing, realizing and understanding that characters are at play to make decisions for and as me, to immediately stop and take my authority back and direct myself in and as breath in the flesh/physical to make my own decisions and direct myself to do what’s best for all in that moment.
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